


Thanksgiving with the Golden Deer

by TeruTeruObliterator11037



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Byleth Owns a Diamond Sword, Crack, Drinking Paint, Gen, Hilda is Baby, Ignatz Literally Dies, Leonie Hates Gleeks, Marriane Ascends to a Higher Plane of Exisitence, Post-Timeskip, Thanksgiving, The Real Ferdinand von Aegir Was The Friends We Made Along The Way, Welch’s Jellied Cranberry Sauce, gravy, probably idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:00:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21597283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeruTeruObliterator11037/pseuds/TeruTeruObliterator11037
Summary: Byleth hosts a potluck and shenanigans ensues. You smell of gravy.
Kudos: 5





	Thanksgiving with the Golden Deer

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! It’s been a hot minute, but I’ve been itching to make some Fire Emblem content and the holiday seemed like a great excuse to do so. I wrote this on my phone, so hopefully the format doesn’t get messed up.  
> That being said, enjoy the read! :)

“mmmmmmmmmm,” Claude sighed, “it smells wike gwavy!!! :3”

It did not smell like gravy. You, in fact, are the one who smells like gravey. Please stop smelling like gravy.

Thanks 

  
it is the last Thursday of red wolf moon

Or thanks giving if you’re basic 

dimitri was eating feces off of the flor crying “I deserve this” and Edelgard was going ape as she normally does. Everyone else in those hauses was like.... eating? I don’t know I’m not creative

But IT was a a nice day in the golden deer hous

afnf if. Was thanksgiving!   
they were hosting a potluck

”oh man oh man” byleth said, “I hope people bring things to the potluck or I’ll have to eat my diamond sword 😔” 

“hey teach are u hungy??”

it was clod and the rest of the funky bunch

“yeah”

”on sothis?”

”on sothis no cap. You brought sustinence?”

”ja”

so they all sat down to eat

marrianne fell too deep into Her chair and passed into the horsegirl plane. She entered it a human and left a pegasister.   
moment of silence please 😔  
  


Lorenz filled the silence like his hair fills me with dread

“𝓜𝓶𝓶𝓶, 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓼𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽 𝓹𝓸𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓸 𝓬𝓪𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓮𝔁𝓺𝓾𝓼𝓲𝓽𝓮~~~𝓼𝓸 𝓭𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓮~~~ 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓷𝓸𝓫𝓵𝓮, 𝓸𝓻 𝓭𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓘 𝓼𝓪𝔂 𝓷𝓸𝓫𝓵é....”

”you sunflower seed head lookin purple rice hair lookin bath and bodyworks smellin sharpay Evans actin cancelled ball of STANK I want to ask on behalf of the golden deer house that you shut the f word up or I will fill your elf on the shelf ears with stuffing and cook you in my Easy Bake Oven like the turkey you are” said lysithea

”language teehee” teeheed Claude, teeheeing.

“consider your teeth mine, claudius von Fire emblem”

“whatever you say, babey.”

“Yo this punch GOES HARDDDD” said Leonie DiCaprio 

”ITS PAINT DIMWIT” responded ignatz 

”Silence, Gleek.”

ignatz died. the remaining gleeks at the table shuddered in fear.

byleth smiled.

“Hilda.” The professor asked. “Did you bring anything?”

”mhmmm. Cranberry sauce”

she pulled twelve cans of Welch’s jellied cranberry sauce out of her pockets

“you’ll have to open the cans up yourself uwu I’m babbie” 

raphael crumched a can down with his own teethies

“mmmmmhhh, d e l I c I o s oooo”

” I can always count on you even if your mullet looks like oatmeal and gives me the anger to grapple a golem with me own two hands, mr ninja turtle man.”

”chacha real smooth”

claud laughed “dang hilda, you live laugh love like this??”

”you’re typing on a cracked screen with an empty stomach, ain’t u dizzy?”

The silence continued. Claude smacked his cornbread in his mouth a bit too loudly.   
  
  


“Sorry,” Leonie apologized, “ I would’ve brought my plus one but he’s busy today” 

“oh?” Lysethia asked “whoes you plus one?”

”jeralt.”

Byleth stabbed Leonie in the cranium with the diamond sword. The gleeks at the table sighed with relief.

“Lorenz,” Raphael noted, “you’ve cleaned up your plate quickly bruh, what’s the deal?”

Lorenz opened his mouth to speak, but the words weren’t his. “Delicious! With a scrumptious meal like that, I feel I can really seize the day!”

The Crowd looked to each other, confused.

lorenz peeled off his skin to reveal his actual self.

”I am Ferdinand von Aegir.”

**Author's Note:**

> This the most fun I’ve had writing crack in a while. Expect more content like this in the future! (I know that’s what I say every time I fall off the earth for a few months but I have a good feeling about it ahaha)  
> I am so thankful (haha) that you took the time to read this!  
> Constructive criticism is always welcome, I’m always trying to be funnier.  
> With my spiel done, I bid thee farewell. Happy thanksgiving!! 🍁🦃🍂


End file.
